The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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