textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
