it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
