so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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