You can't special order awesome
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
