so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we're making bets on your personal life
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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