Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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