I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's always time for handjobs
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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