It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
