chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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