You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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