When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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