I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize