First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
