Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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