just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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