Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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