Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
