Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
