office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
