So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
