I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
