i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
