The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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