I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
