3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
