Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
