I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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