The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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