Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
