He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize