Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
