It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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