I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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