Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
