Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
