i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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