Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
