Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
