I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
