Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
