i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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