she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
