i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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