First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
