He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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