I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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