I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
