I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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