And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
