I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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