I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize