i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
