508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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