i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
