i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
