Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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