you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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