Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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