I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
