In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
