omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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