i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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