I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
tell me about the eggs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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