dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
