So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
