i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
